A December Whirlwind

The past week or so has been so busy. There's loads going on and so much to blog about I dunno where to start.

First off, there was the seminar by Fr. Richards called "I Never Said I Love You" which is really about marriage. It was insightful and as usual, Fr. Rich carried it off nicely with his way of delivery. It is amazing how very true a lot of the things he mentioned and I am glad that Hubby and I stood on the 'correct' side most of the time. Most, not all. We still have our own clitches but I am thankful that in the journey thus far, my companion is one who makes me feel blissful. The little knocks along the way can be expected and I can't say I have anything major to complain about. God has been kind to me for the past coupla years and I am sure He will continue to look after us and bless us. In our marriage vows, we indeed did not say "I love you". Rather, we said "I will love you". That is a deliberate decision that entails a lot and I think is wrapped up in 2 words: Hard work. It certainly takes a lot to sustain a happy marriage and I am sure all those who are married will agree with me on this. Nothing happens naturally and both parties have to work on the relationship. Without both parties chipping in, the boat is lop-sided and definitely threatens to capsize. Well, it was a short half day seminar in church and we trodded off to lunch thereafter.

The next day, Hubby and I had brunch with some friends and as usual, the food was good but the company better. I really missed Irene, with her endless chatter and her motherly concern for both Hubby and I. She was the mother in the office who gave me so much comfort and encouragement when I was in the doldrum of life. Of course, I miss the rest of the gals too. They are the ones who have me so much joy and walked with me through the days. Though we may not meet often, they're always close to my heart.

Next, I made the wonderful discovery of the blessing that God has given us! I was delighted! For those of you who knows what I'm talking about, please do pray that all will be well. I'm not feeling on top of the world physically and am getting paranoid over the slightest thing, which I hope is normal. Laine, you know what my fears and concerns are. Pray for me k?

Just last weekend, we had a Christmas party at home with friends and although it was disappointing how those friends said they'd come but didn't turn up, the rest of us had a good time. The kids were wonderful and did not act up the whole night, although Godson refused to eat. It was heartwarming to see the two children being so close and loving to each other. And, we had a most pleasant surprise when someone whom we thought couldn't get a ticket back turned up! Last year it was Laine's birthday. This year it was the Christmas party. What a surprise! Oh, and when Hubby and I was doing grocery shopping for the party, we came across this interesting flat whose owners bothered to decorate the parapet for Christmas. They did it up nicely with the holy family. Nice!

Last night Hubby and I attended Ryan's wedding at Shangri-la. While it was nice meeting up with all the ex-colleagues and catching up with one another, the food was disappointing and the service could have been better. However, it was an eye-opener cos Ryan's parents made the wedding appear like some kinda community centre National Day celebration. They hired a couple of Indonesian singers who performed life and some of the friends dedicated songs and turned the whole thing into a KTV session! *faint* I was amazed and some of us (e.g. TC) were appalled. They even invited an MP from Tanjong Pagar GRC who happened to be a family friend. The invitation was fine; he was a family friend, afterall. But how Ryan's parents flaunted his attendance was distasteful. Anyhow, we left and I felt very dissatisfied and very glad that I took Chum's advise about the angpow. Guess what. I broke out in rashes in the middle of the night. Either there was something wrong with the food or there was too much MSG. I tried to put up with the itch, willing my body's antibodies to fight and win the battle. In my current state, I was unwilling to self-medicate and didn't know if the pill will bring any harm. When I couldn't tolerate it anymore, I took the pill and drifted off to sleep when the effect kicked in. All I can do now is hope and pray that no harm was done. I hope the next wedding which we have to attend this week will be better.

There isn't so may days left till the new year and I wish one and all, a Merry Christmas and a blessed year ahead!

Lil Shane Got Baptised!

After waiting for almost 2 years, Shane finally got baptized on 7 December 2008. It was a short mass as there were only 3 kids for baptism. But, nonetheless, it was a joyous occasion that he is now officially part of God’s great family. Let’s welcome Shane Jeremiah Wong!

After mass, Shawn and Elaine treated us to dinner and we spent some time with the kids. But cos Shane was feeling cranky dat day, we didn’t manage to get many proper shots. But still, any amount of time spent with the little ones is precious. :)

Shawn is controlling the car remotely. So cool right?! When we were young where got this kinda stuff. It's either you know how to control or you dun. And if you dun, then you dun get to play. With advancement in technology, even the kids are benefitting from it!

In Memory of Mdm Lo Huei Yen

The sky started getting overcast about an hour ago and before long, it started to pour; with lightning flashing across the sky and thunder bellowing. With each thunder, my neighbour’s dog started to bark and the peace was once again disrupted.

Isn’t this similar to the lives of Mdm Lo Hwei Yen and her family? All was peaceful till she was held captive in a terrorist attack in Mumbai where she was to be at a seminar for just ONE day. That faithful day was to be the beginning to the end of her life; the end of the happiness that she shared with her husband of about a year. The couple tied the knot in the once-terrorised island of Bali. This would have been a comical coincidence had the situation not been of such a grave nature. The couple was planning to have kids and at 28, the second phase of Mdm Lo’s life was just beginning. The lives of her husband and family are pierced by the lightning or her death and the silence from her would have been so thunderous. She was to be in their lives no more.

Perhaps the weather now is reflective of the somber mood at St. Theresa’s Church, where Mdm Lo’s funeral was held. The church would have been her last resting place and this will be the last time she’ll be seen. In an interview, Mdm Lo’s husband, Mr Puhaindran, said: "She would want me to live my life but it's going to be very hard.” No doubt, to continue living life as it was would be an uphill task. The funeral, the media interviews, etc, will be over in a week’s time. What is left for Mr Puhaindran is the gruelling task of settling the numerous loose ends following his wife’s death. Clearing her belongings in the house; closing her bank accounts; literally closing her life.

Packing up after a loved one’s death is never easy, especially so when you have just started a life together. The blissfulness that is so short-lived seems rather unfair. One cannot even begin to imagine how very laden with worry those few hours following her first phone call was. Just waiting for a medical report was worrisome enough for some. What more when you know your wife is being held captive by terrorists and may not have the chance to return home. I cannot begin to grasp the extent of that.

With such a real-life example, should we not treasure those around us? Should we continue to quarrel over the most minute of things? Sometimes, the stuff we quarrel over are so petty that we even forget about them in a day or two. Think about it, is it worthwhile to waste time quarrelling over stuff that are so inconsequential. Why get angry when it doesn’t add on positively to the relationship. Some quarrels are essential, yes. They serve to deepen a relationship and to straighten out some feelings that may have been holding you captive. But what about the rest? Mr Puhaindran was glad he had the chance to tell his wife that he loved her very much. His regret would have been so much deeper had he been lamenting over the fact that she was away. Let us love, instead of hate.

A sacrifice was made for a senseless cause and a cowardly act. An act that we, as logical human beings, fiercely condemn.

The Purpose-Driven Life (by Rick Warren) - Part I

I’m in the midst of reading The Purpose-Driven Life and thought I’ll start writing about what I have read before I forget them. The author encourages us to read the book as if it’s a devotional guide. There are 40 chapters which we are supposed to read and ponder on in 40 days. However, being the impatient me, I have decided to read it like a book instead of a devotional material. Do note that most, if not all, of the ideas belong to the author. I am just doing a summary.

As the book spans across 40 chapters, I’ll do the review in 8 parts. So that you won’t be bored outta your wits reading all 40 chapters at one go. Visuals play a part and when we see a damn long article, we normally give it a miss. Same goes for a blog (especially one that is a little bit serious in nature). Going along with the psychological make-up of most of us, I have decided to keep it short (or at least TRY to compress the info!) and ‘sectionalized’ (is there such a word, by the way?).

Chapter 1: It All Starts With God
(For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him. --- Colossians 1:16)

When we start to look for the purpose of our lives, we often make the mistake of looking inwards. What do I want to be? What should I do with my life? These are questions that we often ask ourselves. However, we should be doing the opposite. If we want to find our purpose in life, we should begin with God. “You were born BY his purpose and FOR his purpose.”

“The Bible says, “It’s in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for. Long before we first heard of Christ and got our hopes up, he had his eyes on us, had designs on us for glorious living, part of the overall purpose he is working out in everything and everyone.” This verse gives us three insights into your purpose.
1) You discover your identity and purpose through a relationship with Jesus Christ.
2) God was thinking of you long before you ever thought about him. His purpose for your life predates your conception. He planned it before you existed, without your input! You may choose your career, your spouse, your hobbies, and many other parts of your life, but you don’t get to choose your purpose.
3) The purpose of your life fits into a much larger, cosmic purpose that God has designed for eternity.”

Chapter 2: You Are Not An Accident
(I am your Creator. You were in my care even before you were born. --- Isaiah 44:2a)

As far as our parents are concerned, we may have been an accident. An unplanned pregnancy and in some cases, unwanted pregnancy. However, we are certainly not an accident with God. Even before we were conceived by our parents, God was already expecting us. He plans our everything: how we look like; our race; our gender; our parents; where we are born; etc.

"You saw me before I was born and scheduled each day of my life before I began to breathe. Every day was recorded in your Book! (Psalm 139:16)"

God does not make mistakes. Each and every one of us is created for a reason, not by chance. God has created all of us and He will take care of us because He loves us. God is love. However, we must first allow Him to love us. For even though He created us, He gave us free will. He gave us the freedom to choose. Of all the creatures He has created, Man is the only one God has given intellect. We have the ability to think and interpret things.

“This poem by Russell Kelfer sums it up:
You are who you are for a reason.
You’re part of an intricate plan.
You’re a precious and perfect unique design,
Called God’s special woman or man.
You look like you look for a reason.
Our God made no mistake.
He knit you together within the womb,
You’re just what he wanted to make.
The parents you had were the ones he chose,
And no matter how you may feel,
They were custom-designed with God’s plan in mind,
And they bear the Master’s seal.
No, that trauma you faced was not easy.
And God wept that it hurt you so;
But it was allowed to shape your heart
So that into his likeness you’d grow.
You are who you are for a reason,
You’ve been formed by the Master’s rod.
You are who you are, beloved,
Because there is a God!”

Chapter 3: What Drives Your Life?
(I observed that the basic motive for success is the driving force of envy and jealousy! --- Ecclesiastes 4:4)

All of us are driven by something in life and the 5 most common drivers are:
1) Guilt: People allow themselves to be manipulated by guilt for something they have done in the past. They fail to realize that the past is but a rear-view mirror as we travel along in life’s journey. If you fix your eyes constantly on the rear-view mirror, you’ll no doubt crash along the way. Your vision and gaze should be fixed on what lies ahead. “What happiness for those whose guilt has been forgiven!... What relief for those who have confessed their sins and God has cleared their record. (Psalm 32:1)”
2) Resentment and anger: Many of us are unable to let go of past hurts and are stalked by those feelings of resentment and hurt. The only way to protect yourself from these hurts is to let go of them. By holding on to the past, you not only allow yourself to continue wallowing in hurt, you become very bitter as well. Do yourself a favour and let go of the past so you can live happily. “Resentment kills the senseless, and anger brings death to the fool. (Job 5:2)”
3) Fear: There are several reasons why someone is crippled by fear. It could be negative past experiences or even genetically passed down from their parents. These people do not realize their full potential as they are afraid of changes. They prefer to let things remain just the way they have always been. However, fear is the stumbling block to God’s plan for your life. We need to consciously battle it with the weapons of faith and love. “In love there can be no fear, but fear is driven out by perfect love; because to fear is to expect punishment, and anyone who is afraid is still imperfect in love. (1 John 4:18)”
4) Materialism: In today’s society where a person’s success is gauged by what he has achieved in terms of position, wealth and possessions, materialism has become a familiar stranger. It is a stranger for we cannot completely grasp its depth. When we have, more we want. There is a constant nagging that the more we have, the more secure and happier we’ll be. Alas, all these are only temporal and easily destroyed. The only thing that will remain is your relationship with God. “He who loves money never has money enough, he who loves wealth never has enough profit; this, too is vanity. (Ecclesiastes 5:9)”
5) Need for approval: There are many among us who go through life constantly seeking approval from others; their parents,, superiors, peers, etc. They seek acceptance from a depraved society and in so doing, miss out on the purpose that God has for their lives. They are just so focused on trying to fit in. “Unfortunately, those who follow the crowd usually get lost in it.”

5 benefits of a purpose-driven life:
1) Gives meaning to your life: “Without God, life has no purpose, and without purpose, life has no meaning. Without meaning, life has no significance or hope…. The greatest tragedy is not death, but life without purpose.
2) Simplifies your life: Having a purpose in life prevents you from running around like a headless chicken. It gives you direction and prevents you from toiling unnecessarily and wearing yourself out. “You, Lord, give perfect peace to those who keep their purpose firm and put their trust in you. (Isaiah 26:3)”
3) Focuses your life: Being directionless, we often try to ‘multi-task’ and be at too many places at any given time. This is not only ineffective, it is also unproductive as we scramble to finish as much as we can but due to a lack of concentration, we finish nothing. “The power of focusing can be seen in light. Diffused light has little power or impact, but you can concentrate its energy by focusing it. With a magnifying glass, the rays of the sun can be focused to set grass or paper on fire. When light is focused even more as a laser beam, it can cut through steel.” “Let’s keep focused on that goal, those of us who want everything God has for us. (Philippians 3:15)”
4) Motivates your life: “Purpose always produces passion. Nothing energizes like a clear purpose. On the other hand, passion dissipates when you lack a purpose.”
5) Prepares you for eternity: In a eulogy given at someone’s funeral, we often speak of the legacy that he has left behind; his achievements, the records he set, the reputation he worked so hard for. In a matter of time, all these will be forgotten by those left behind. What we need to create is an eternal legacy in Jesus Christ. Before we enter into the Kingdom, God will perhaps, pose us two questions: “What did you do with my Son, Jesus Christ?” and “What did you do with what I gave you?” Did you accept Jesus as the Lord of your life? Did you accept His sacrifice for you and learn to love as He has commanded us? Did you use your own life experience as an encouragement to others? Did you use your strength to administer to others? “The first question will determine where you spend eternity. The second question will determine what you do in eternity.

Chapter 4: Made To Last Forever
(He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. --- Ecclesiastes 3:11)

When God decided to create us, He meant for us to live forever. This may go beyond the scientific logic, but for those who are in a relationship with Christ, we know that our life on this earth is a preface to the life that is to come. “For we know that when the tent that we live in on earth is folded up, there is a house built by God for us, an everlasting home not made by human hands, in the heavens. (2 Corinthians 5:1)

Death should not be the end of our lives. It should be the beginning of another phase of our lives. The author used an interesting analogy to depict our life here on earth and that in the Kingdom of God: Just as the end of our time in our mother’s womb marks the beginning of our lives here on earth, our physical death also marks the beginning of our eternal lives in heaven. What we do in this life is a preparation for the next life to come.

When the reality of that dawns on you, then perhaps the way you live your current life may take a change and you reprioritize your life. If what we do now has no consequence that we need to pay for, then we can let fame, wealth and pleasure be of utmost importance. We can even begin to scheme against the people around us and live life recklessly. However, if we keep in mind that we have to be answerable for our actions on earth when we meet our Creator, shouldn’t we, and wouldn’t we take the effort to live a life as close to God’s instructions as possible?

“This world is not our home; we are looking forward to our everlasting home in heaven. (Hebrews 13:14)”

Chapter 5: Seeing Life From God’s View
(…What is your life?... --- James 4:14)

“The way you see your life shapes your life. How you define life determines your destiny. Your perspective will influence how you invest your time, spend your money, use your talents, and value your relationships.”

Before we even determine how we perceive our lives, we should, perhaps, bring to mind that our lives should be different from that of the world. “Do not model yourselves on the behavior of the world around you, but let your behavior change, modeled by your new mind. This is the only way to discover the will of God and know what is good, what it is that God wants, what is the perfect thing to do. (Romans 12:2)”

The Bible provides 3 aspects of life. Life is a test, a trust and a temporary assignment.

Life on earth is a Test: We are constantly being tested by God in our daily lives. The very first test was given to Adam and Eve who failed. In the Bible, God posed countless tests for those who have gone before us. The same will apply to us. Every thought, action and responses are watched by God and everyday is a test. “You will be tested by major changes, delayed promises, impossible problems, unanswered prayers, undeserved criticism, and even senseless tragedies…… A very important test is how you act when you can’t feel God’s presence in your life.” “Happy the man who stands firm when trials come. He has proved himself, and will win the prize of life, the crown that the Lord has promised to those who love him. (James 1:12)

Life on earth is a Trust: We have to recognize that everything we have (including intelligence, emotions, energy, relationships, resources, etc) is entrusted to us by God. In much the same way as you put money in a trust, God has given all these to us in trust as well. We are merely executioners of His inheritance. “To Yahweh belong earth and all it holds, the world and all who live in it (Psalms 24:1)” God wants to see how we use all that He has given us. In Matthew 25:14-29 (i.e. The Parable of the Talents), the story was told of a master who gave his servants equal amount of his wealth. Upon his return, he assesses each servant based on what they did with his wealth and the dividends they made. Matthew 25:23 says: “Well done, good and faithful servant (God is saying: good job! Well done!); you have shown you can be faithful in small things, I will trust you with greater (God gives you a promotion and will give you greater responsibility); come and join in your master’s happiness (you are honoured with the invitation to celebrate with Him).”

“If then you cannot be trusted with money, that tainted thing, who will trust you with genuine riches? (Luke 16:11)”

“When a man has had a great deal given him, a great deal will be demanded of him; when a man has had a great deal given him on trust, even more will be expected on him. (Luke 12:48)”

Celebrating Amanda's Birthday

Last Friday was another birthday celebration with the gals. This time round, we celebrated Amanda’s 26th birthday. Although the sequence of events were the same as previous years (i.e. dinner followed by KTV), it’s always a good time for us to catch up with one another. This year is no exception.

We went for dinner at a cozy, little Italian restaurant at Clark Quay. Food was a little pricey but wasn’t too bad. We took the chance to fill one another in on what has been going on in our lives; our challenges, heartaches and matters close to our hearts.

It seems, no matter how rosy things look on the surface, there’s always an element of regret and unhappiness in all relationships. After our conversation, I can’t help but feel very fortunate to be so loved by Hubby. His love for me, I dare say, is unconditional. Or, as unconditional as a human being can manage. None of us can compete with God’s agape love. But Hubby has really given me a lot. For all those times when I threw tantrums and was unreasonable, deep within me, I know he has done almost all within his means to give me a good life and accommodate me. Thank you, dearie!

I do feel a sense of regret and/or injustice for my 2 very close and dear friends, though. It’s not that their lives are in the dumps. But I just thought they deserve better and much more than their lot in life. Although they each have their own blessings to be thankful for, I’m sure they wouldn’t reject a little help along the sidelines.

It’s not easy being in a relationship. It’s even less so when you’re in a marriage. When you have kids to worry about, a husband to care for and in-laws to contempt with. Sacrifice was right there at our table when Elaine had to cancel a dinner the next day due to some unhappiness at home.

Well, all in all, dinner was fabulous and made much more meaningful by the sharing we did. We were joined mid-way by the kids. One was fast asleep; the other was contented with some fries.

We proceeded, thereafter, to Liang Court for KTV and the guys joined us there. I had a ball of a time with Godson who woke up and thankfully was not grouchy. Hubby had his fill of playing with Shane too. Looking at him play with Shane made me a trifle sentimental about having yet produced a kid. I’ve known all along that Hubby loves children. If my worst fears come true, it’ll be very bad news for all of us. But I have faith in God above that He will give us those gifts and blessings.

All in all, it was a beautiful night and I wish my dear friend a better year ahead. One filled with God’s blessings and much fulfillment.

The Pilgrim's Progress (by John Bunyan)

The book is written to depict a believer’s life as he makes an effort to live a Christ-like life. He met with struggles and fell along the way. But he was always able to get back on the path to the Kingdom of God. The author used several analogies to illustrate our lives as a believer.

A man who felt the heavy burden on his back read the Bible and was filled with distress and sorrow when he learned he will sink in hell unless he found a way to save himself. He met a man, Evangelist, who taught him what he must do in order to save himself.

So the man, now called Christian, set out on his way to find the kingdom where he will be “given crowns of glory and garments that will make him shine like the sun. There will be no more crying and no more sorrow.”

Due to carelessness, Christian got caught in the Slough of Despond and had to struggle his way out. There, he met Help who explained to him that the Slough of Despond cannot be mended as it was “the accumulation of scum and filth that continually runs from the conviction of sin.”

Walking across the Slough of Despond, Christian met Mr Worldly Wiseman who lived in a great town called Carnal Policy, which is near to City of Destruction where Christian used to live.

Mr Worldly Wiseman then told Christian he knew of a better journey than the one that the Bible has pointed out. He told Christian to go to the village of Morality and look for a father and son named Legality and Civility respectively. So Christian set forth but met Evangelist on the way. Evangelist told Christian that there is only one way to the kingdom and that the easier way which Mr Wordly Wiseman has told him is not the way. In fact, Mr World Wiseman has led Christian to the way to death by turning him from the way and disparaging the cross. Evangelist then pointed Christian in the correct direction once more.

The above is just the beginning of Christian’s journey. The Pilgrim’s Progress is an excellent book that I urge all believers to get a copy and read. It relates to our fears and challenges as we live our lives as believers in Christ.

There are many versions to this book and I would recommend that you get the simplified version as it’s much easier to digest than the original version.

Partners In Life (by Anthony Yeo)

I recently finished reading the book Partners in Life written by Anthony Yeo. We were given this book by the SAF after hubby and my ROM last year and SAF wanted me to join the ‘Officers’ Wives Club’. The book is loaded with suitable references for those residing in Singapore as it is written with the local culture and practices in mind. As the title suggests, the book deals with issues that confront married couples and tried to offer solutions to these issues so as to preserve and maintain marriages. I didn’t quite like the book in the beginning. But as I read on, I discovered that there are several pointers I can learn from and the book does enlighten me. So I thought I’ll share the parts that stood out and hopefully improve your marriage or just enrich you.

In the first couple of chapters, the author discusses the different dimensions of marriage as well as reasons for wanting to get married. The book then goes on to correct societal misconceptions of singles as well as married couples.

Myths of singlehood include:
1) Being single is not being complete: This is not necessary true. A person’s marital status is not a measurement of what he/she has achieved in life and shouldn’t be used as a yardstick for that.
2) Singles are unwanted people: Many people are single by choice and there are many reasons for singlehood. For example, they may feel that having a partner may pose a hindrance to them. They may not have as much freedom to do what they wanna do or go where they wanna go.
3) Singles are socially inept: Personally, I feel the opposite may be true. Being in a relationship or marriage can actually be a pitfall to one’s social life as the couple become too embroiled in the idea of spending ‘couple time’ together. They may end up spending all their leisure time with their partners and end up neglecting friends. In the long run, they end up alienating themselves from their friends.
4) Singles are selfish and self-centred: This may be true in some instances but we shouldn’t allow ourselves to think that it applies to all. Being centred on oneself is not the same as being self-centred. An individual can be centred on his own life and yet still care about the people around him.
5) Being single means being dull, lonely and miserable: Singles actually know how to enjoy themselves more than people in a relationship. They have all the freedom and financial ability to enjoy. They have less commitment than those with a family of their own.

The book also explores myths that people have about marriage and overthrow these myths as just that – myths. Many of us think that being married means an individual will be happy and will always be in a state of love. We all know how much truth this statement holds. Look at the number of unhappily married people among us. Many have sought the relief (or escape) of divorce and that number continues to rise. Also, being a happy couple does not necessarily mean that there are no disagreements. In every relationship, conflicts are bound to arise and “happily ever after” only happens in the storybooks we read as children. They are just fairy tales. Even the happiest and most loving of couples have their own disagreements cos they are thinking individuals. Everyone has different ideas and thinking. How can we ever expect to think in exactly the same way as another person? Whether we overcome the disagreement positively or not depends on the degree of compromise we are willing to make.

As a couple begins their life together, they’ll have to learn to manage their expectations. For example, the wife may expect the husband to be home for dinner and to spend time talking to her. The husband, on the other hand, just wants to relax and watch tv. If the couple did not state their expectations, such situations may give rise to disagreements and eventually lead to a quarrel. Most times, we keep our expectations to ourselves, presuming that the other party knows what we want and/or are thinking about. Unfortunately, this does not happen and if we do not vocalize our expectations, then we’ll only get frustrated.

When it comes to communication, male and female often have very differing views. The topic of conversations also varies. Put a group of men together and they will start discussing about soccer, cars, jobs and that pair of legs that just past by their table or those boobs that are threatening to spill outta the outfit of that woman at the other table! However, when women get together, they talk about things that are emotional like their relationship, their worries as well as the gossips they have just heard. Most men have difficulties talking about themselves voluntarily. I know this first-hand cos hubby can be dumb (as in not able to talk) at times. It’s frustrated the hell outta me and we have quarreled several times over this. I began to appreciate this better after I read the book and it daunted on me that this is pretty normal. In fact, silence is also communicating. A couple should learn to enjoy the silence between them.

When a woman said she wanna do things together, she meant it literally. However, a couple can also be enjoying their time together by doing things separately. For example, they can be surfing the net together (which is what hubby and I do almost every night). This is also a form of spending time together. I think most of us fail to realize that we can spend time together doing separate things.

There are some adaptations that I have picked out throughout the book which I really like. Ladies, read on! Here goes:
- On leaving their parents’ home to set up their own: “They need to disengage in order to be bonded with their partners. This can be a painful move especially for those who are closely bonded to their families of origin….At times, it is made harder by the reactions of the family members, usually the parents. They may not be ready to let ‘the birds off the nest’.”
- On the difference in treatment between male and female by their in-laws: “They (sons-in-law) tend to be well regarded as some parents feel they have gained a son with the marriage of their daughter. Unfortunately, this may not be the case for the woman. She may not get the same treatment from her husband’s parents as they may feel they have lost a son to her.
- On in-laws problems: “Most of the in-law problems unfortunately centre on the wife and her daughter-in-law. The daughter-in-law is seen as a threat as she has taken the son away….The arrival of grandchildren may again present difficulties if the couple (the grandparents) regards them as ‘their grandchildren’ and become too involved with them.
- On husband taking sides when conflicts arise: “In some situations of conflict, the husband would have to decide with whom he should align. Preferably there should be a compromise. If that is not achievable for whatever reason, he may need to align himself with his wife if he is concerned about long-term harmony in his marriage. Though it is not recommended that the husband abandon his family of origin, in particular his mother, he may have to decide to do so for his wife’s sake. If he is committed to his marriage, he will have to choose his wife, not his mother. Ultimately, the husband should protect his wife whenever the occasion calls for it.

Celebrating Babe's Birthday

Last Friday we celebrated our Hot Mama's 26th birthday. For lack of ideas and finances, we decided to have steamboat at Elaine's place. Actually, I quite like the idea. It's more economical and I feel it provides more warmth and enables us to have a more cozy celebration than if we had a celebration outside.

It was a good opportunity for the group to interact too. Very seldom do the guys have a chance to get together and have a nice chat. And, of course, we get to play with the kids. It's amazing how much they have grown. I think we are all really getting old.

After steamboat, we had chocolate fondue. In our haste to melt the chocolate using the microwave, we slightly burned the chocolate. Haha... Nonetheless, we enjoyed the camaraderie and it was fun sharing the fondue, even though it wasn't very successful.

After that, we had a make-shift KTV session and sang a few songs. After which, we were all getting tired and decided to call it a night.

Although it was a simple celebration, I feel it's actually more meaningful and definitely better than celebrating it outside.

Whatever the case may be, Happy Birthday Elaine! I wish you well and may you be blessed with the best in life. God bless!

Weekday Escapade

Hubby and I made a trip to Sentosa yesterday cos he was advised to take leave and our weekend started on Thursday.

It's been a while since we last suntanned. To be exact, the last time we suntanned was in July, during our trip to Bali. Thereafter, I had to abstain myself so that people wouldn't think he married an Indian lady during our wedding in October. So I reunited the skin with the sun and boy was it a good feeling!

It's been raining everyday for the past week and I was afraid it'll rain again. But the weather held and though it was cloudy, we managed to get the sun for a while. Both of us ended up being slightly burned.

We had a good time and I even walked away feeling like we went away for a short trip. haha... It's nice to be able to go away for a while; from the routines of everyday life (okay, i hear some of you shouting: "but you're not even working!"). It recharges you and you'll feel instantly better. Really! I think all of us should make an effort to have a little 'retreat' once in a while. Travelling may be a little costly. Going to Sentosa or even a quiet stretch of East Coast Park will do the job nicely (although, of cos, going overseas is always a preferred option). Since we're watching the wallet cos we're still trying to pay off debts incurred from the wedding and trying to save for our honeymoon in Jan, we'll just make do with our fave local suntanning spot.

Surprisingly, it wasn't crowded. In fact, it was almost dead. Not a single tour group was in sight when we first arrived. The bistro was empty save for 4 people. Quiet, huh? Considering that it's the school holidays already. Normally, it's not so peaceful when school's out.

So we enjoyed a quiet afternoon at the beach. I even got quite a lot of inspiration for my writing. I'm hoping we can do this again real soon; and hopefully the place will be quiet and the sun strong!