Life in Obligation

There are a couple of housing projects that the hubs and I participated in recently. We weren't really on the lookout since we're not due back permanently anytime soon. But since these are projects that allowed us the possibilities of getting new flats instead of resale ones, why not? So we tried our luck and shall wait and see where that leads us.

Joining in these exercises also made me think of wat life will be like when we finally move back to SG. It certainly won't be as easy as now or before. Afterall, having another kid definitely changes the equation. We are now accountable and responsible for another life and that means further stretching our resources and capabilities. Just the issue of how to send 2 kids to school at the same timing already baffles me. Another issue that gnaws at me constantly is the interaction with the in-laws. I understand it's sort of compulsory but it does affect me in no small measures. Nobody, least of all the hubs, can completely fathom how much I truly abhor having to meet them. It's like a war I constantly have to fight on my own. The hubs doesn't see my point and I find that extremely disappointing. Afterall, when he was in trouble and needed help, who was there and who wasn't? He knows the answer but refuses to see the truth. There's always spanners thrown our way but when we needed help, it's almost for sure they won't be around. The only decent being in that family is the bro-in-law. Sometimes it really baffles me why they wanna act all close-knitted when it's pretty obvious it's to each his own when trouble comes knocking. The only one who lends a helping hand is the hubs. So far everytime we ask them for help, it comes to naught. So wat's the point, really? I feel like a damn hypocrite having to chat and laugh along when all I wanted is to flee from them and have as little contact as possible. The only consolation I have is to tell myself that I'm doing my duty as an in-law. But that's really not an easy pill to swallow. Worse yet, you dun have the support of the one who's supposed to go thru thick and thin with you. Oh well.....

We Did Us Proud

I was getting ready to go out while the hubs was in the shower and the lil one entertained himself on the bed when a thought suddenly struck me: the hubs and I ought to be proud if ourselves cos we brought Dallen up single-handedly, with no help whatsoever. There was no grandparents and no nanny; neither was there any domestic helpers nor childcare centres. There was only the hubs and I. The only help we had was probably the confinement nanny who was with us for all of 27 days. Even when we were packing up the house prior to leaving the country, we didn't deposit him with anyone. In this day and age, it's really not common for children to be brought up by their parents anymore. Sad but true. Most parents would rather spend their time in the office, massage or manicure palours, salons or on the golf course. The kids are conveniently left aside while parents go for some "me time" that happens once too often.

Anyway, before we conceived Dallen, the hubs and I made a choice to have me be a SAHM and we stood by that choice. We struggled financially, had very little sleep and really, lost our freedom. Frankly, we didn't regret our decision. We just found ways to work around the challenges. There are times, of cos, when I miss the days when there's just the two of us. We could just up and go without having to consider much. We could, at a whim, decide to take leave and head out to Sentosa and just spend a leisurely day at the beach (and it's always so much nicer to be there on a weekday during a school term) or just drive out at the dead of night for some supper. But ever since Dallen came along, we couldn't afford such luxuries. In fact, the both of us haven't sat down and have a nice, uninterrupted dinner for as long as I can remember.

Having said all that, I wouldn't give up parenthood even if it means I can get back all the freedom in the world.