It's Quiz Time!

No prizes for guessing correctly who the following describes cos it's a no-brainer:

1) On the day that we were supposed to go shop for our wedding present, she got herself a bracelet that costs more than $1k. Then when it came to my wedding gift for the tea ceremony, she said, just ANYHOW find something that costs $100-$200 can already. (Note: I dun really care about the amount. But it really is the thoughts that irks me!)

2) When I was pregnant, all she got me during that period of 9-10 months was one box of inferior bird's nest which she didn't bother to cook (my mum took a look at the box and said she will never get that kind of bird's nest). Talk about getting instant presents with no thoughts given. Other than that, there was nothing. No soups, no herbal thingy; nothing!

3) After I gave birth, she didn't bother visiting me in the hospital.

4) During confinement, not a drop of soup. Not even water. Nothing, again!

5) Now that my baby is 4 months' old, she didn't buy a single thing for him. She said she didn't know the size. For all of you who bought clothes for the boy, I didn't know you had a tailor measure my boy before buying those adorable lil clothes for him.

6) She has never done anything for the boy. Not a feed or a change of nappy. She can't even make him laugh. Quite on the contrary, she made him, not cry, but wail.

And my marriage is only a year old.

Annoying!

The most annoying and senseless thing happened tonight. I spent the whole afternoon walking around looking for a stupid pen and organiser for hubby's colleague who is leaving them and is already damn tired. So much so that I wanted to suggest we skip mass and just go home. I'm glad I decided to give that suggestion a pass and dragged my tired body to church.

So, we were supposed to have dinner with his sister and family at one of the stalls situated near our flat. Since it's within walking distance, I didn't mind and thought we could get dinner over and done with quickly and get some rest. Turned out they changed their mind and wanted to eat somewhere else and so we went to meet them. I thought we were gonna be eating together, like wat usually happens. But when we arrived, it turned out that they have already eaten and the whole purpose they wanted to meet us was to play with the baby. This just doesn't make sense. We're not clowns who entertain people. If they like a damn baby so much, then go make their own. We could have easily eaten on our own and not go all the way there just to have my baby taken away from my arms the moment we arrived. Hello! I gave birth to that baby! I'm his mother! Wat rights have you to take the baby away from me???!!! To think hubby was the one who personally ripped the baby away from me for his irritating prick of a mother, after I tried so hard to get him back.

After dinner (which hubby and I had on our own), we ended up standing in the middle of the road talking to my bro-in-law while waiting for the rest to finish their shopping at NTUC. And we didn't just wait a few minutes. We were there at about 7pm and reached home only close to 9pm. Can you imagine how long we were standing in the middle of that damn road??!!

I was already dog-tired and had to end up wasting bloody time waiting for ppl to finish wat they wanted to do and to have their fill of the baby. Fuck you!

The time is now 4.22am and I have been up since 2 plus trying to soothe the baby back to sleep. Already I'm not getting enough sleep. I dun have to entertain people like that. I dun even get paid. A clown at least has a salary. I can't even be compared to a clown. And the whole thing has just been stewing inside me cos it really is so senseless.

And hubby was just being totally inconsiderate and insensitive. I already voiced my displeasure and he still insisted we stayed. We've been meeting his family more regularly than before and this is really asking for a yard when given an inch. Hello! I am a human. Have I been totally forgotten and replaced with the birth of my son???!!! If this continues then I'm gonna have to insist that we buy another flat further away from them. If common sense doesn't work then I suppose distance will have to.

A Baby's Year

In a few days' time, Dec will be upon us. Once we're done with Dec, we're done with the year and we prepare to say hello to another 365 days. Another year of unknowns, hope and certainly disappointments. But before we jump the gun, I thought back on my year and I must say it has been a very rewarding one.

It was in Dec 2008 that I found out I was pregnant and I began 2009 in a spirit of love, hope, excitement, fear, worries, and much paranoia. Ever since then, it was to be a year dedicated to the baby. I rested and read; ate and vomited. All for the baby. My thoughts were filled with all sorts of concern and I looked forward to the gynae visit every month, anxiously waiting for the sonogram. There were times of anxieties, of course. Like when my blood test results were due. Or when we were expecting the gynae to deliver any test results for the pregnancies. Ever the pessimist, I kept expecting the gynae to tell us that something is not right with the baby. Month after month, we went for the check-up and still no bad news. And so, I happily ate (there is now an official and valid reason to look fat!) and did wat I thought was good for the baby. Once I felt the first movement in the stomach, I was constantly on the look-out for more. It is just the most wonderful feeling to have the baby doing kick-boxing or simply shift himself to a more comfortable position. When the scan showed us the baby's genitals, I was delighted. To be a little on the old fashioned side, giving birth to a male offspring meant I have fulfilled my duties to my in-laws and there can now be no complaints. That took the pressure of bearing a son off the subsequent pregnancy(ies).

As I approached my EDD, I was increasingly proud of the big bump on my stomach. I carried it with immense pride and joy, my hands touching my stomach involuntarily every now and then. I've had very few gripes about my pregnancy (it's just the lack of clothes to wear and the messy hair) and was a very contented and happy expectant mother. Needless to say, hubby contributed to this peaceful state of being. I was fortunate enough to not have to work and Des was, of course, a doting husband.

Then came the day. I was feeling contractions the whole day and started timing them. As each contraction became more forceful and closer in interval, I called the gynae and he said to admit myself if I want to. I called hubby and couldn't get him on the phone! But I wasn't near yet and could afford to wait. So I left him a message to return call. When he called back, he instinctively knew wat happened and rushed back home. But I still wanted to wait. So we waited around and he was so fidgetive the whole time he was quite a sight to behold. That night, we made our way to the hospital. I was worried it might be a false alarm and that we'll be sent home. Turns out, we didn't get sent home. We spent the night and the next day at the hospital, waiting for our son to cry his hello to the world. That he did; but not before sending me into painful contractions that epidural did nothing to help. Finally, it was decided that I should be sent into the operating theatre for an emergency c-section cos I wasn't dilating fast enough and the baby's head was too big for vaginal birth. Moreover, I was running a temperature and the baby's heartbeat was becoming irregular. I so wanted a vaginal birth. But the safety of my son was of utmost importance. I've told hubby before I was due to give birth that should anything happen during the delivery, save the young one first. So I gave the approval for the c-section and was promptly wheeled in. I was knocked out cold cos epidural didn't work for me anymore. The next time I woke up, I was shivering from the cold and wanted to throw up. After the whole hullabaloo was over, I settled into a deep sleep and hubby went home for the night. I still have not seen my son. But I was so tired I just wanted to sleep. I finally said hello to him the next day. I can't describe the feeling as I held him in my arms for the first time. I didn't immediately feel any connection or love for him. He is just the stranger that I know is my son and who was often thrust into my arms for breastfeeding. But yet, I feel a sense of protectiveness for him and knew that no matter wat happens, his safety and health are my utmost priorities.

We went home after spending three nights in hospital and I started my confinement. Once that is completed, it's just night after night of interrupted sleep and diaper changing.

He's now 2 weeks shy of being 4 months old and is a healthy and bubbly little boy. I've just began my motherhood journey and so far, it hasn't been all bad. Sure, I've had my moments of frustrations and anger. But my heart always melts when I look into his adorable face and he gives me one of his toothless smile. All else is forgotten and everything seems worthwhile.

There were times when I wanna go back to work. Many times, in fact. I look out the window and I see a vast expanse of land before me. There is so much out there for me to appreciate. But yet, here I am stuck at home looking after the baby. I miss the interactions and adrenaline of working. I miss goofing around with my colleagues and catching up with my clients. I miss the satisfaction of closing a piece of business and the sense of contribution to the hotel. I miss being in power. But I made the decision to chuck aside my suits for nappies and that is the decision I will keep. I'll stick to my guns and ride out the waves. Looking at him sleeping peacefully next to me now, I know my emotional rollercoaster and physical pain are but a small part in the overall picture of motherhood. I may lament and complain about the lack of freedom and what-nots. But I know this is the child I've wanted and love so much. It's a joy to see him grow day-by-day and discover new things; to witness his development and forge the bond that nobody else will have with him. That, is my wages of love and sacrifices.

2010 will be a year of great changes as the family relocates to Indonesia. If all plans are firm, we'll be in Singapore for only another half a year. I feel apprehension and yet am in a way looking forward to it cos that will give us more financial freedom. Having said that, I also know that I have a lot of safety concerns to grapple with. We'll just have to take one step at a time and leave it in the good hands of our Lord.

Courtesy Is For Free...Courtesy Is For You & Me

I was happily doing my exercise while watching tv this afternoon when I heard someone unlock the door and enter the house. It was hubby who secretly took half the day off again to spend time with the baby and I. So we went for lunch together and then decided to send Dallen for his first haircut cos there was a patch at the back of his head that was quite bare and we hoped the shaving will help the hair to grow back more evenly.

After the haircut, we made our way to Ikea at Alexander cos we were planning to replace the sofa set at home. Since we were already in the vicinity, we dropped by Queensway Shopping Centre to look for some momentus item for Dallen. As the escalator did not allow prams on it, we had to walk down the stairs and hubby and I were struggling with the pram cos he was carrying the baby and the combined weight of the diaper bag and pram was too much for me to carry for that flight of stairs. As we were awkwardly making our way to the staircase, a lady saw us and offered to help us with the pram even though she was already holding onto a document and was on the phone. We were pleasantly surprised as kindness in today's Singapore society is really scarce. People tend to look at you and just walk off. You'll be lucky if they dun scoff at you for being an obstacle and blocking the way and thus slowing them down. As we were leaving the shopping centre, we had to struggle through yet another flight of stairs; this one being lesser than the previous one. Another kind soul offered to help us with the pram again! How nice! Two kind gesture within an hour. Wow!

Singapore will really be a more gracious and better society if everyone takes the effort to be kind instead of just chasing after the wind all the time. Thumbs-up to those 2 passers-by!

Happy Birthday, Enen!

I've been wanting to blog about Enen's birthday celebration. But, as usual, have been too busy and/or too lazy to do so. Well, here I am, armed with photos to tell the story.

The party was arranged earlier cos Fiona is gonna be away pursuing her Masters. I really take my hats off her. I'm sure it hasn't been easy making the decision to leave her family behind as she goes for higher education. A lot has to be considered and it ain't as easy as just taking off like dat. Kudos to Ivan as well, for being so supportive of her decision. Having a family really puts a lot of things into different perspective. It's no longer just about you. There tends to be a domino effect from the decisions made.

Anyhow, back to the party. It's a full display of simplicity and innocence as the children went about their business of chasing balloons, meddling with their party packs and 'mingling' with one another. It was a small and cosy party, with food prepared by grandma and they were all yummylicious!

Well, my best wishes to this family. :)

For You

This is for my darling hubby and besties. You know who you are. I may not succeed all the time (I'm only human). But at least I try. I love you.

Count on me through thick and thin

A friendship that will never end

When you are weak, I will be strong

Helping you to carry on

Call on me, I will be there

Don't be afraid

Please believe me when I say

Count on....

I can see it's hurting you

I can feel your pain

It's hard to see the sunshine through the rain oh

I know sometimes it seems as if it’s never gonna end

But you'll get through itjust don't give in

I know sometimes it seems as ifwe're standing all alone

But we'll get through cause love wouldnt let us fall
There's a place inside of all of us

Where our faith in love begins

You should reach to find the truth in love

The answers there within, ohhhh

I know that life can make you feel

It's much harder than it really is

But we'll get through it

Just don't give in...

Disclaimer: The above isn't part of my literary production. It's adapted from Whitney Houston's "Count On Me".

Another One Bites The Dust

Words eluded me this morning. I shall let pictures speak their thousand words. Congrats!

Another FB Status

An ex-spouse is like a burst appendix. They cause a lot of pain and suffering, but after it's removed you find you didn't need it anyway!

It's easy to love somebody when everything is wonderful. The proof of someone's love is that they still love you when everything is awful.

Church of The Holy Cross Feast Day

The church had our feast day on 13 September and mass was celebrated by the VIP of the day - Archbishop Nicholas Chia. Lunch was a simple affair and Jason won the top prize of the lucky draw. How nice!

A Union of 2 Souls

The second big event in September was the ROM of sis and Kenneth. This came as a surprise cos they didn't get together for long and also I was beginning to accept that sis may never get married. She's too independent and in my opinion, loves her own way of living too much. Any disruption would have been frowned upon. But surprise, surprise! She found the man she wanna be with and they tied the knot on 12 September 2009.

Congrats & have a blissful marriage!

Baby Dallen's Baptism

September has been a whirlwind of activities. There were events to attend every weekend and it seemed like the baby's arrival was timed nicely so that I can finish my confinement in time and be at these events. Besides the lack of time, I've also been too lazy to blog. I shall start with Dallen's baptism first.

Baby Dallen was baptised as Ignatius on 6 September. It was a small affair and was attended by my in-laws and some close friends. I was glad to have been able to make it for this round of baptism cos hubby might not be around for the next one and if we hadn't been able to make it for this one, then we'll have to baptise Dallen next year. Somehow, I feel more at ease knowing that he's baptised and didn't want to delay it that much.

Now that we have integrated him into God's family, I pray for wisdom and strength to bring him up as God intended. The journey thus far hasn't been easy but it was mainly physical hardships. As the child grows older, we'll have to instill values and principles in him and that will be the tricky part. How does one know when to hold the rein tighter and when to let go just that little bit? There is no tangible measure for that and the wrong amount can mould him wrongly and lead to consequences that will follow him for life. As parents, we'll always want the best for him; but is 'best' really the best? Anyway, we'll have to take it one step at a time.

Welcome to the family, Baby!

A Fren's FB Status

爱，并不难。。 只要两人拥有共同的方向，执著，信念，信任，沟通，尊敬，再加上能够对彼此施于体谅，包容，理解，耐心，关心，与及不时的给对方应有的安全感，归属感和私人空间。当然，两人都别忘了彼此早期所定下的承诺。时代会变，人会变，样貌会变，体型会变，生活会变，但心不会。。。心只会死掉

Words of Wisdom

A marriage or relationship that's neglected brings pain and bitterness. But one that's nurtured daily brings peace and happiness.

A true friend is someone who sees the pain in your eyes while everyone else believes the smile on your face.

My Labour Experience

Whoever said her labour was easy or smooth must either be lying or she is a damn fortunate woman. My labour experience was so bad it might prevent me from having a second child. Or at least the thought might hold till the memory of this labour fades a little.

I started experiencing cramps (like those you get on the first day of menses) a few days before I was admitted to the hospital. On that fateful day, the pain intensified and I felt the contractions getting more regular. So I made a quick call to the gynae in the afternoon and he said I could be admitted if I want to. Tried calling hubby on the phone but couldn't get him. Luckily I decided to wait till past midnight (to save on the hospital bills) before admitting myself. So no hurry there.

So we had a quick dinner and settle down to watch telly, like what we did every night. But the experience is different, of cos. Hubby was excited although he tried to contain it. Finally, we made our way to the hospital and was sent to the delivery suite. Just at that moment, we heard a woman moaning damn loudly and I freaked out a little. "Ok, nvm. Her delivery must be a difficult one," I told myself. So we were left alone to wait for dilation and all till the next morning. At 8am, the nurse came in and my ordeal started. She poked something into my anus and poured liquid into it so I can clear my bowels. Then at 9am, my gynae appeared and ruptured my water bag. That wasn't as painful as I feared or heard from others. I could tolerate that quite well and my gynae was wondering if I really needed epidural. Then the anaesthetician came and administered the epidural. That was more painful, but still tolerable. So we were left to wait and at that point my dilation was only 2cm. The gynae estimated that I should be giving birth in the afternoon. By about 4pm, my dilation was only about 3-4cm. Gynae pushed back his estimation to 9pm.

By early evening, I was on my third tube of epidural and it doesn't work anymore. I was feeling every damn contraction and it was getting more painful by the minute. I started crying at this point. I couldn't take the pain anymore.

At about 8 plus, I was running a temperature and fearing that infection has set in, the gynae ordered an emergency c-section and I was wheeled into the operating theatre. After a day of waiting, it was like everyone immediately sprang into action and in less than 10 minutes I was staring at the white walls and ceiling of the operating theatre, with the whole team of nurses and doctors going about their business. I was first injected with epidural. When that didn't work, they had no choice but to administer GA and hubby had to then leave the OT.

By the time I woke up, I was being transferred to the bed in the ward and was shivering uncontrollably and started to vomit. There was a whir of activities going on around me but I was oblivious to them all. I was just feeling so cold and shivering.

After I settled down, Hubby wanted to wheel the baby in for me to see him. But I wasn't up to it physically and drifted off to sleep.

That was how I spent my first day in the hospital and my gruelling labour experience.

Wonders of Being Pregnant

Hubby was on duty yesterday and didn't come home. So he took off this afternoon and wanted to give me a surprise. But somehow, I have a gut feeling he was coming back early. Haha.... His surprise always gets spoilt.

So we went for lunch, did some grocery shopping and came back home cos he said he wanted to clean the house. I was grateful and thankful that he's willing to do the housework cos it's really not very easy for me to lug the heavy vacuum cleaner around the house anymore. Not with the load on my stomach. And when I vacuum and mop the floor, my back suffers and ultimately so do I. So it's a relief that I don't have to clean the house. And what is hubby doing now? Preparing to cook dinner. Yeah! I dun even have to cook dinner tonight. :) And while he's at it, he's preparing bird's nest for me. Haha...Pregnancy has its advantages. Thanks dear!

Happy Birthday To Me

July is a month of celebration for hubby and me. First, there is our ROM on 7 July, my birthday on 8 July and the day we got together on 10 July.

Since we got together, we have always travelled for this period of time. This year, we are unable to travel as I am heavily pregnant. So we celebrated in Singapore.

For our ROM anniversary, I cooked a Western dinner cos hubby liked Western food. It took all the energy outta me man! After dinner I felt so tired I didn't have the strength to do anything else. It's so much easier to cook a normal Chinese dinner. But for this special occasion, it's all worth it.

For my birthday, hubby took the effort and booked a room at The Sentosa Resort and Spa which is on Sentosa, hoping I will have a feeling that I am away from Singapore. He didn't wanna book a hotel on the main island of Singapore cos then it will just be another day in Singapore. Initially, hubby kept the hotel booking as a secret. But the secret was leaked out on 3 occasions and I already know that we're gonna be staying at a hotel; just that I dunno which one it will be.

When we checked in, I thought he booked a normal room. But as it turned out, he booked a junior suite! I was really surprised. But at the same time, I was worried about the cost. Aside from that, the room was really nice and hubby even got the hotel to arrange a bouquet of flowers for me. It was lying nicely on the bed when we entered. As soon as we settled down in the room, we went to the pool to relax and enjoy.

For dinner, hubby secretly arranged to have a few close friends join us. But again, I found out about it days before my birthday. Haha.... Although all the surprises were 'discovered' by me, I still had a great time.

Thank you, darling!