All In A Day's Work

I think playing the kinship or emotional card just to get business is downright despicable and cheap. Trying to garner support just so you can have a better-looking scorecard is not wrong but when you're not the most trustworthy or responsible person around, can you blame others for not wanting to support you? With every action comes consequences. There's a cause and effect thing in life. You've done too many wrongs and are now paying the price for it. A family doesn't work one-way. There's no such thing as you take, we give all the time. When you wanna gain certain benefits, you talk about family. When your help is needed, you reject outright as if we're outsiders. Well, you reap what you sow. Since you enjoy saying no so much, I'm saying no to you. Out of the goodness in me, I may toss you a coin or two. But that's only cos I see you as a beggar. Not cos I trust in your capabilities or sense of responsibility. Since you're top sales and all, then surely you have no need for our business right? But then again, if you weren't so thick-skinned and despicable, you wouldn't have so much business too. So, I'm still considering if you're worth my charity. Seriously, I hate the way you take for granted and play around with people's kindness towards you. You're really such an asshole. Nothing good comes out of you. You're just full of shit.

Dreams Are Not Reality?

I'm getting my hair done at the salon and had the rare luxury to do some quiet thinking and reflection.

Time has passed me by without me really looking it in the eyes and before I know it, I'm turning 30. I'll be greeting the big 3 and what do I have to show for it? I have no career, no car and no big house. But I've got a marvelous family; a loving hubs and a pair of adorable kids. Come to think of it, my life pretty much panned out the way I wanted it to, less a little detour which toughened me up and is the only blemish in my otherwise wonderful life.

Since young, I've always planned to get married by 25 and have my first kid no later than 27. I got married at 26 and gave birth to my firstborn at 27. My second bundle of joy followed at age 29. I've always wanted to be a SAHM and that's what I am. I dun have a lot of money and in fact, we're living hands to mouth, barely making ends meet. Bonuses give us the ability to have a little luxury from time to time. The stock market gave me a small income to call my own after I quit my job.

I also have a little vanity dream to own my first Prada bag before I turn 30. Owning a Prada may not be a big deal these days. Afterall, you get to see all sorts of people in all ages carrying the most expensive of apparels. Some of these people are still in school! But for me, it's a little dream that lifts the spirit cos the financial commitment in our household is high (what with 2 kids, a home loan and a car to pay for) and ours is a single income family. Recently, this little dream of mine got realized when I received a Prada bag for Christmas.

Only one person helped me to live my dreams. And that person is the man in the house. The hubs gave me the possibility of not working and is also the provider of all my vanity wants. He seldom, if ever, buys things for himself. But he's more than willing to splurge on me, at times beyond his capabilities. I may be the creator of my dreams, but he is the one who helped me realize them. The only dream I've had to give up is that of having a successful career and climbing the corporate ladder. But I've gladly dropped out of the rat race and shall help my sons realize their dreams the way the hubs has helped me with mine. Thank you, my love. If it means I have to go through the horrible period of my divorce just so I can have a life with you, I'm thankful to have gone through it. I've gained more than I've lost and I thank God for you.

Small Baby, Big Changes

And I'm not even talking about the hormonal or physical changes caused by pregnancy and the subsequent c-section.

The house is upside-down and there's much less walking space. Kid's stuff are here, there, everywhere. The clutter is really an eyesore.

But more importantly, the hubs and I haven't had a decent conversation since I gave birth. He's either too far away, too tired or too preoccupied to talk. It makes me wonder if life in future is gonna be as such. Or will we settle down and finally have time for some decency. We'll see.

The Old Has Gone, The New Has Come

2011 has bade us farewell and we're already a couple of days into the new year. In my younger days, a new year was always greeted with much anticipation and excitement. As the years go by and I become older, such feelings waned and gradually totally disappeared. New Year's eve is now just another day. The only thing that marks a new year is the flipping of the calendar.

This year was an even quieter eve for me. In fact, I forgot it was the eve until mum said MBS was gonna be crowded and I wad wondering how she knew. Then she said so matter-of-factly that it's new year's eve that I was momentarily taken aback. How could I have forgotten?!

The hubs and I ended 2011 with a new addition to our family. After having gone through a not-so-easy pregnancy, I was glad to finally give birth to Dayen. The second pregnancy was such a different experience as compared to the first one. It wasn't all bad but it's enough to make me not wanna give birth again.

I'm now looking forward to the end of my confinement. Can't wait!