Poof! Now You See It, Now You Dun!

No, I ain't no magician. But everyday some problems are being thrown my way and I'm supposed to magically come up with solutions. It's so easy to open one's mouth to voice a problem and expect that problem to be solved. I'm not only not a magician, I'm not much smarter than the average man-on-the-street as well. I just happened to be desperate enough to use my brain and think.

Also, I have to push hard to get others to do the things they're supposed to do. I seriously wish that I have all the resources at my disposal so I dun constantly have to rely on others. Why can't people just do wat they have to do? Won't the world be better without reminders or the need for them? Wat's so difficult about getting things done? Gosh! Everyday is a constant battle to get people to mind their own business. And it's been said women like to nag? We dun! But constant reminders morph into nagging and if we dun do that, nothing gets done. So no. We dun like to nag, thank you very much; we just wanna get things done.

Survival of the Fittest?

"Richard is a nicer person than me, anyone can see that. But in suffering, in experience, I am his superior and I carry that knowledge like a knife. Why am I so much tougher on Emily? Because I guess I'm scared that Rich would bring u our children to live in an England that doesn't exist. A place where people say "After you" instead of "Me first," a better and a kinder place, for sure, but not one that I have ever lived or worked in." --- I Don't Know How She Does It (by Allison Pearson)

Where's That Light At The End of The Tunnel?

When was the last time you laughed till your sides ached? You're a very fortunate person if it happened within the past one month. I, for one, sure as hell can't remember when was the last time I felt a genuine sense of joy, let alone experience that happy ache. Sure, my sons make me laugh, but the realities of everyday living make life mundane and to a certain extent, torturous and often times I ask myself this question: to what end?

I am quite certain most people around me feel weighed down by life. Some, like me, haven't felt real joy in a long time. I yearned for peace; but I find turmoil instead. I look for love; but live with strife. I crave rest; but am exhausted daily. I can feel myself sinking deeper into the abyss day by day. The depression and frustration I feel ring a familiar bell of yester years. Yet, this time round it's different. I cannot indulge in my own sorrow. I must trudge on for I have responsibilities to fulfill and call of duty to answer. I walk the path of life with heavy footsteps, with each step getting harder and harder. I'm deeply unhappy and I find no relief from this state of affairs. Even news I received from friends and family are bad news. The process of getting a new abode and selling the old one is met with difficulties and challenges every step of the way. It's just negativity, one after another.

I'm tired. Tired of living. Tired of struggling.