Play First, Worry Later

What was supposed to be the boys' nightly shower turned into a full-fledged "Songkran" in our little bathroom. I was initially worried that the boys, having just recovered from a bout of flu, might fall sick again. But heck, a little flu can't kill them and what can't kill them will only make them stronger (Dallen did start to sneeze after a while). So I cast aside my anxiety and decided to go along with spontaneity. And what fun we had! 

This was the kind of experience I never had as a child; my parents would have been too busy worrying about the mess. Most Asian parents are a tad too uptight. Everything has to be prim and proper and you can often hear "dirty!" coming from them. How often would you allow your kid to roll around on the grass or walk barefooted in mud (I wouldn't!)? Or when was the last time you played in the rain with your kid? 

I believe children like impromptu fun because there's a surprise element to it and who doesn't like surprises? So when it's unplanned, it's double the fun! Sure, things will get messy and there may be massive cleaning up to do. But let's just treat it as housekeeping. It's beneficial for the kids when parents let their hair down once in a while and just have some childish moments with them. It's experiences like these that will edge themselves in their memories and be retold to the next generation. It'll be quite a pity if your kids have no positive memories to inherit, wouldn't it? 

I used to be more uptight than I am now because that's the kind of environment I grew up in. No crumbs on the floor, no oily hands on furnitures, etc. So, imagine my horror when my firstborn started having solids! Crumbs, rice, biscuits, fruits, whatever he was eating ended up on the floor as his hand-mouth coordination wasn't fully developed yet. With every drop, I bent down to pick. Every stain on his shirt drew a huge gasp from me. Wet tissue was my best friend then. Boy, was I uptight! With kiddo #2, I relaxed a great deal and made life easier for me AND the baby. I start to clean up at the end of the meal. The result? Same. The area gets cleaned. But also different. I don't get stressed out unnecessarily. 

Over the years, I've learned to move away from the parenting style that I was brought up with. I've evaluated the impact that my parents have on me and I'll like for my kids to be a more creative, spontaneous and lively individual. I've always viewed myself as a very serious person and being creative is definitely not my forte. This has got to do with the way I'm being brought up and I don't want that happening to my kids. My parents were authoritarian parents. I choose to be an authoritative parent and it's always a struggle to overcome one with the other, having been so deeply steeped into the former way of parenting. Thank goodness there's the constant reminder from books and the ever available Internet. 

So, I've made my choice. What's yours? 

Sibling Time

Growing up, my siblings and I didn't spend much time with one another. Having a mum who's more financial than maternal (she said so herself, when she told me she'd rather be bringing in the bacon than looking after kids) means all 3 of us were sent away to be looked after by others while our mother did what she could to make our lives more comfortable. Having said that, it doesn't mean she didn't care about us. Just that she didn't have the patience or see the necessity to stop all else to spend time with us. In fact, there is no instance in my memory where my mother sat down with any of us and just......play. As a result, we were never terribly close and led our own separate lives while living under one roof.

This is not the kind of relationship I want my sons to have. I expect Dallen to be responsible for and to look after his younger brother; and I expect Dayen to understand that his older brother has a certain level of authority over him (this is definitely harder to achieve!). I do not want them to lead separate lives when they're older. I want them to watch out for each other. In this day and age when society promotes that personal gains take precedence over all else, I want my sons to recognize that material wealth or social status are NOT more important than people. So I'm glad that the boys spend a lot of time together and that Dallen does take his elder brother role quite seriously. Many disasters were averted because he either personally stop Dayen from getting into harm's way, or alerted us to the danger that Dayen put himself into. He's also beginning to understand that he has to give in to his brother simply because he's older. Dayen, on the other hand, still has a long way to go in shedding his self-centredness. 

The boys are off to a good start and it's up to us, their parents, to continue to build a healthy family atmosphere and leave them with values that are intangible rather than those attached to the mighty dollar.