The Hotties

Tomorrow's a PH and the hubs arranges for a staycation to enjoy the long weekend. But guess what? The boys fell sick and are having fever, with Dallen taking the lead and having a higher temperature. Sigh... It's at times like this I'm glad I can cook and also has some knowledge about natural remedies.

While the body fights to recover internally, we're fighting externally to bring the temperature down. While letting the fever run its course is good as it's an indication that the body's immune system is working, we also do not want the temperature to get too high. So we kept the boys away from school, took out the medicines, and I started making chicken soup early in the morning. Macaroni and soup will be their menu for today. Lots of fluids are in order and rice should be avoided. It's easier for Dayen cos I can give him fruits like watermelon, drinks like yakult or fruit juices and if he doesn't have much of an appetite, pudding or jelly will work too. Dallen's a bit trickier cos he's also coughing, which means I can't give him any cooling or cold stuff to consume cos I don't want his cough to develop into bronchitis or worse, asthma. He's hot and cold at the same time. Challenging! So I can only work externally. By that I mean sponging him, keeping him in the room with the aircon on and applying a cooling pack on the warmer areas of the body, like the head, neck and underarms. It also helps to have him wear loose underwear so the genital can be kept cool as well. I also make use on aromatherapy. I have a humidifier in the room cos we use the aircon all the time and the dry air irritates the throat. So I use that to add moisture in the room and put in a few drops of lavender oil (to help the kids sleep better) and eucalyptus oil (to promote deep breathing and is particularly helpful for asthma, bronchitis, flu and sinus). When Dallen coughs, we'll apply ruyi oil on his shoulders, chest and back, and the soles of his feet. I find ruyi oil actually works better than Vicks vapor rub. And, of cos, when it's very bad cough, we usually put a pail next to his bed cos he tends to vomit when he coughs too much. That's actually a sign of his airway being choked up.

I think having a pack like this helps and it's good to have it handy at all times.

Burned Out

I haven't blogged for a long time cos I've basically been feeling depressed and dissatisfied with life. Day in, day out it's problem after problem to solve; unexpected developments to accept (since I can't change them); kids to handle (or maneuver, if you like); finances to worry about; kindergarten hunting that sees no light; struggling to keep up with time (not enough to include rest, play and studying for the kids in a single day and studying always gets sacrificed cos I have household chores to tackle and can't sit down physically with Dallen); etc. Gosh! Motherhood is all-consuming. I feel guilty spending time on myself and comments that the hubs makes dun help at all. I'm actually quite sick and tired of being down there on the priority list. I wanna feel indulgent once in a while but haven't the chance nor the heart to do it. It's actually very simple and little things that may not mean a lot to others but to a mother who faces her kids 24/7 and have no other life (i.e. no life of her own and definitely no social life) other than that of serving her children and her husband, these can mean a lot. At the drop of an announcement from the hubs, I have to stand in for him cos he can't be around at specific windows of time in the day that he usually spends with the kids; a mere refusal from the kiddo to eat at a specific restaurant means I can't get my craving satisfied; the hubs needs his PM nap cos he works late into the night means I can't have mine (cos Dayen needs to be tended to so he doesn't make noise and wake Dallen up) even though I wake up to feed Dayen at night (while I was breastfeeding and the hubs did the night feeds, I let him rest and take over the PM portion. But now that I'm the one doing the night duties, I have to cover the PM shift too); when I'm doing laundry and can't complete it in one wash cos the machine is too small, I try to wash the hubs' first cos he needs it for school and that's more important than mine since I only bring the kids to school; I have to select special timings (like in the dead of night) to use the Internet just so I dun use up the bandwidth and leave this vacant for the hubs whose work is more important; I sit longer on the toilet bowl the hubs asked if I'm still alive; I can't bring myself to buy something I really like cos it's on the steep side and I have to leave the money to get stuff for the kids. So when, then, do I get priority? I'm human too. Can I not get some consideration too?

I'm griping, I know. Indulge me. It's getting increasingly lonely as I travel this path almost on my own and I need to get some of these frustrations and resentments out of my system. The hubs does help out and it's not easy being him too. I know. But at least he's a priority from time to time. Me? I'm just a tool and a mean to an end. Never a priority. I have no identity as an individual and besides being a wife and mother, I'm nobody. Not a woman (of her own) and certainly not a successful one.

Ok, enough complaining. I have to go make milk for Dayen now.

B.O.R.I.N.G

Life these days is so.......mundane. Day in day out I'm doing the same thing and meeting the same people. A typical weekday starts with getting the kids ready for school, then off we go, followed by lunch, nap, dinner, bedtime. Sounds boring, doesn't it? I wonder why life is so routine now.

I used to be able to do my own stuff (while Dallen naps) throughout the day and when the hubs return from school, we could even sneak in a little evening chat before dinner. Even back in Singapore, we went for walks after dinner before we get Dallen off to bed followed by a bit of Telly-time or reading before we turn in for the night. But here? We really dun do stuff like dat. I really miss the infrastructure and sense of community back home. All I see as I glanced out my window now are trees, walls and the road. I dun see humans. It's such a boring way to live a life. There's only 6 houses on our lane and we dun even see a single soul. I haven't seen any of our neighbours the whole of today. Jogja is really not a city I can live in. It's too quiet, too boring, too backwards. I'm losing the excitement of living. Can't wait for the year to end! The drab surroundings combined with the quiet, boring existence makes me feel real depressed. I'm no social butterfly. But even this, is too much for me.

Tool or Human?

Sometimes I feel like I'm just a tool for childcare and household chores. If I so much as spend a little more time doing the things I like, the hubs will comment on it and it'll seem like I'm at fault. My whole life has to evolve around the 3 males in the house. I'm no longer my own person and I can no longer have my own fun and joy. Sigh... What have I gotten myself into? So long as I cater to their needs and wants, I'm ok. If I spend more time on myself, I'm lousy. He can be God's gift to humanity. I'm just lousy thrash. FML.