The past weekend was a tiring one. Not physically, but emotionally. I just couldn't get past that feeling. Try as I might, it seems to linger and refuses to go away. I'm past the stage of doubt and now it's the shadow of what has happened that is lingering on. I haven't felt this way for the longest time. The spirit down in the dumps kinda feeling. Although we have more or less settled the issue, I just find it beyond me to be as cheerful as before. Although I may be at peace, but there is just this nagging feeling of sadness. I dunno how to put it in words explicitly but if you've gone through depression before you would have understood what I was talking about.
Went out for a drink with Chum on Saturday and I'm ever so grateful for her. God bless her soul. She has always been there for me and I'm glad I met up with her. It was a quiet night for us cos we went to East Coast instead of Wala. The quietness did me good and calmed me down some. The drive did me good too. I was cruising along ECP and driving always does something to me. It's almost therapeutic, but I didn't think Chum appreciates the speed I was going at...haha...
Was able to take my mind off the whole thing cos we were playing MJ the whole of yesterday. By the time we finished it's already bed-time. So I mopped the floor, showered and went off to bed. Then the disturbing dream came and left me feeling unsettled. I simply just hate this feeling of helplessness and not being able to pick my spirit up; so heavy. I wanna experience the lightness again in my heart. But all there is now is a heavy stone.
It took me almost a year to get out of my depression the last time. I certainly hope it doesn't take tt long this time. It's 1 year 3 days to my wedding and I dun wanna feel like shit and go through the wedding just for the sake of doing it. But one good thing it'll do for me is that I'll be losing weight like crazy. But that does not justify the shit I'll be going through. Not to mention the front I have to put up just so that others will think that I am fine. That's a tiring to do. Perhaps the trip to HK will do me good.
Let's wait and see.
Went out for a drink with Chum on Saturday and I'm ever so grateful for her. God bless her soul. She has always been there for me and I'm glad I met up with her. It was a quiet night for us cos we went to East Coast instead of Wala. The quietness did me good and calmed me down some. The drive did me good too. I was cruising along ECP and driving always does something to me. It's almost therapeutic, but I didn't think Chum appreciates the speed I was going at...haha...
Was able to take my mind off the whole thing cos we were playing MJ the whole of yesterday. By the time we finished it's already bed-time. So I mopped the floor, showered and went off to bed. Then the disturbing dream came and left me feeling unsettled. I simply just hate this feeling of helplessness and not being able to pick my spirit up; so heavy. I wanna experience the lightness again in my heart. But all there is now is a heavy stone.
It took me almost a year to get out of my depression the last time. I certainly hope it doesn't take tt long this time. It's 1 year 3 days to my wedding and I dun wanna feel like shit and go through the wedding just for the sake of doing it. But one good thing it'll do for me is that I'll be losing weight like crazy. But that does not justify the shit I'll be going through. Not to mention the front I have to put up just so that others will think that I am fine. That's a tiring to do. Perhaps the trip to HK will do me good.
Let's wait and see.
6 comments:
chums.. all this is juz an overcast but u'll have to figure ur way out of it, to brighter days. the past haunts u but u cant simply link up the present to the past, u're not being fair to urself. u'll be fine k? i forbid u to go back into depression. and with me ard u can forget abt losing too much weight also. haha
wei u very evil lor make me sound very weak and timid, juz cuz u drive very fast! next time lemme take over the wheel after a few cans of beer then u'd understand how i felt! :P
Darlinzzz!!!
Dun be affected over it...im sure you will get over it soon...cos you are strong! Sometimes words are useless, but action speaks louder than words... and you juz gotta do it....will be there for you if you needed me k...from me:)
Hey girl...
Dun be like this k? I'm always here when u need a laugh or two.. or maybe throughout the whole night...
U know i'm not good with comforting words.. (ya man..shes damn bad at it..i can tell u..frm Me.) so i'll juz make u laugh instead.. then u'll grow up strong n big.. hahaha
I'll always be here for you!! i promise u.. :p
Frankly, the 3 of you are the ones that make my life so much better. Sometimes when you dun wanna talk about anything, it helps to just talk cock. And with you ppl ard, I know I can count on you to have a good laugh. Thanks!
my my... we're all here! chummy.. now that u have us, fear not! there'll be many more breathless moments that comes along with the tummyache. (due to overdose of laughter) :P
I know I haven't been doing much to be there for u.
But anytime u need someone to hear u out or lend a helping hand in any way, u can be sure that I'll be there.
Love u no matter what it is. =)
Post a Comment